I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot