Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.