Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....