I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out