Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.