Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (715)

Last Night in Wisconsin (715)

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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.

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(715): tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder. http://tfl.nu/8ixi

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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.

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(715): I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far. http://tfl.nu/o4x5

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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.

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(715): Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol. http://tfl.nu/cvdz

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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.

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(715): I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help. http://tfl.nu/ztsu

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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?

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(715): you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question? http://tfl.nu/kzcn

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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.

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(715): During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me. http://tfl.nu/euwh

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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.

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where's the fun in that?

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(715): somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion. (920): where's the fun in that? http://tfl.nu/xkei

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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.

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(715): So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room. http://tfl.nu/stph

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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.

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(715): I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT. http://tfl.nu/2ujd

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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.

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(715): I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names. http://tfl.nu/wmoo

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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.

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(715): my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina. http://tfl.nu/moie

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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.

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(715): Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank. http://tfl.nu/5t9g

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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean

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(715): He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean http://tfl.nu/eek7

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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.

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(715): I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa. http://tfl.nu/2ols

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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

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(715): Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me. http://tfl.nu/2k2c

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Last Night in Wisconsin (715)

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