It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.