The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dating After Heartbreak
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.