Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup