I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.