I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.