Come share oat with me in your robe
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.