Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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Come share oat with me in your robe
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.