Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
