Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?