Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?