My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos