I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..