Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...