I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
32 of the Pettiest, Most Hilarious Reasons People Have Broken Up With Someone