the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again