just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.