He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits