what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
