It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am