Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future