New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless