You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.