He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican