Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.