So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.