If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.