Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.