I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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So... How much of our rent is drug money?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.