Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.