Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.