Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!