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She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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