She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.