u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything