You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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