I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?