A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.