80% sure the drag queens carried her home
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.