No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That accounts for only three of the penises