My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.