I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!