after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.