I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"