I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.