after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I still have a little drunk in my system
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING