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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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