some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.