The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?