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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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