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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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