He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird