don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages