Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Connecticut (203)

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  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS

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  (203): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS http://tfl.nu/964x
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  i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes

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  i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally

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  (203): i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes (203): i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally http://tfl.nu/ln5z
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  His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews

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  Same.

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  (203): His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews (1-203): Same. http://tfl.nu/citv
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  Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit

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  (203): Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit http://tfl.nu/qeew
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  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

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  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

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  (203): If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi. (518): So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits? http://tfl.nu/jsif
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  Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights

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  (203): Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights http://tfl.nu/qbnp
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  Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes

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  (203): Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes http://tfl.nu/04zg
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  Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.

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  (203): Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/gq2j
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  we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch

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  (203): we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch http://tfl.nu/wvpl
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  Why didn't I see you last night!?

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  We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.

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  (203): Why didn't I see you last night!? (1-203): We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you. http://tfl.nu/iqgq
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  Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?

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  (203): Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight? http://tfl.nu/h4cr
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  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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  (203): No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side. http://tfl.nu/0ask
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  I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.

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  You were.

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  (203): I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night. (1-203): You were. http://tfl.nu/s399
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  We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?

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  (203): We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right? http://tfl.nu/13y7
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  You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

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  Did it finish?

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  (203): You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified. (508): Did it finish? http://tfl.nu/ahm8
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