You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...