just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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