All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.