don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone