I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?