IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.