I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful