If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...