Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dating After Heartbreak
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...