Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".