We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me