Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.