When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.