hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.