if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency