we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...