all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
32 of the Pettiest, Most Hilarious Reasons People Have Broken Up With Someone