He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.