Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.