He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard