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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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