The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.