My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.