We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
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"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were