All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...