I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men