Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.